I was meeting with my Spiritual Director. We were discussing my grappling with the concept of fear, and not wanting to make fear-based decisions. I was also expressing frustration with some life situations which were not going the way I felt they should.
After a time of silent listening, she had me reach into her container of word stones, and I pulled out "Surrender." It spoke to my heart. Now I have two words going through my head when I am reflecting on spiritual things. Fear. Surrender.
I spent the past several months preparing for a retreat I led at the coast over the weekend.
planned every detail and I was very excited.
On Friday afternoon, I headed out with Teresa, leaving later than I hoped, and taking longer to get there than I had anticipated. Once there, we realized the cell phone coverage was spotty, and I had forgotten to give the other participants my cell phone number. As it got later and later, I became more and more stressed. Fear.
We decided to drive to a nearby town so that we could send out messages and make phone calls. I felt like a failure and the weekend hadn't even begun. As we sat there in my car, I grabbed Teresa's hand and said "I need to pray." We prayed. Surrender.
Eventually the others found us. The weekend went well. I was asked to lead it again in the spring.
I typed out this post, and then I made a mistake and it disappeared. Stress! I think the original version was better, but so it goes.
Surrender means accepting I was never in control in the first place. Thankfully I have a God who is in control, is patient with me, is willing to wrestle with me, and loves me no matter what!
Thank you for listening.