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Surrender

10/27/2016

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Surrender 

I was meeting with my Spiritual Director. We were discussing my grappling with the concept of fear, and not wanting to make fear-based decisions.   I was also expressing frustration with some life situations which were not going the way I felt they should.

After a time of silent listening, she had me reach into her container of word stones, and I pulled out "Surrender."  It spoke to my heart. Now I have two words going through my head when I am reflecting on spiritual things.             Fear.                 Surrender.
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I spent the past several months preparing for a retreat I led at the coast over the weekend.
 planned every detail and I was very excited.

On Friday afternoon, I headed out with Teresa, leaving later than I hoped, and taking longer to get there than I had anticipated.  Once there, we realized the cell phone coverage was spotty, and I had forgotten to give the other participants my cell phone number. As it got later and later, I became more and more stressed.                         Fear.

We decided to drive to a nearby town so that we could send out messages and make phone calls. I felt like a failure and the weekend hadn't even begun. As we sat there in my car, I grabbed Teresa's hand and said "I need to pray." We prayed.                          Surrender.  

Eventually the others found us. The weekend went well. I was asked to lead it again in the spring. 
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I typed out this post, and then I made a mistake and it disappeared. Stress! I think the original version was better, but so it goes. 

Surrender means accepting I was never in control in the first place. Thankfully I have a God who is in control, is patient with me, is willing to wrestle with me, and loves me no matter what! 

Thank you for listening. 
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    Juel Russell
    Spiritual Director

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