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Failure

7/28/2016

1 Comment

 
I recently spent a week at one of my favorite places, Drift Creek Camp. I was there with my grandson for 3-4th grade summer camp. I have been to DCC many times in the 19 years I have lives in Oregon, so I was shocked when this time upon arrival I was thrown into despair over my greatest failure. 

 In the summer of 2003, I was busy preparing to marry for the first time. I was also helping friends prepare their wedding. And I was committed to be the camp pastor at DCC for a week. I was overextended, and unfortunately I was overly confident in my ability to take on this week as pastor without much preparation. I was wrong and I failed miserably. I was embarrassed and ashamed. 

13 year later I had mostly forgotten about that terrible week until I was back there, surrounded by campers. I was transported back to that week, I felt inadequate and ashamed. Thankfully this time I was not camp pastor and I had time and space to work through all those emotions. I was able to forgive myself. By the end of the week I even was brave enough to go to a chapel service and experience a camp pastor do it beautifully. 

God's timing is perfect. I spent months contemplating fear. I preached a sermon on fear. And there I was with my worst fear in my face, fear of failure. I have failed at something I feel called to do, so I can fail at it again. I probably will. (Hopefully not as gloriously as last time.) My fear of failure has been holding me back from planning the retreat I want to lead in October. It is time to push that fear aside and move forward. If no one comes, or if they do and I am a terrible leader, I will not have allowed my fear to stop me. 

​Thank you for listening. 

1 Comment
Colleem
7/30/2016 07:50:01 am

Thanks for sharing. We have all been there

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    Juel Russell
    Spiritual Director

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