Jan and Feb have been hard for me every year for the past 10 years. Every year I think, "Why am I crying so easily? What is wrong with me?" Every year it slowly dawns on me- March 9 is approaching. And then I am more gracious with myself.
Jan 2003 I met and fell in love with Dale Russell. I was 36 and had never married. He was older and had been married multiple times and had 4 children and 4 grandchildren. We were married in Sept 2003. It was fast and amazing and hard. All marriages are hard work. Dale was damaged and angry. I was used to being single and compromise was hard. I loved Dale and I loved being part of an amazing (dysfunctional) family.
In Jan 2005, we knew something was wrong. Dale went to see his primary care doctor and insisted on a PSa test. It came back at 58.5. A biopsy confirmed our deepest fears, prostate cancer. A bone scan lit up and showed tumors in ribs, hips, pelvic bone, dime size in skull, large in left arm.
The next year is a blur. Doctors, tests, chemotherapy, radiation, tears.... in Jan 2006 Dale was done. He didn't want to do any more treatment. We hired hospice and began the journey towards his flight from this earth. On March 9, 2006 at midnight he took that flight and left us. (I might blog what that was like another time.)
Every year once I remember why I am weepy I think, "next year I will anticipate this." Nope. 10 years and it still sneaks up on me. And it has not gotten any easier.
Grief is a journey. We never know what will trigger sadness over our loss. We cannot escape it, we have to walk through it. Remember to be kind to yourself.
Jan 2003 I met and fell in love with Dale Russell. I was 36 and had never married. He was older and had been married multiple times and had 4 children and 4 grandchildren. We were married in Sept 2003. It was fast and amazing and hard. All marriages are hard work. Dale was damaged and angry. I was used to being single and compromise was hard. I loved Dale and I loved being part of an amazing (dysfunctional) family.
In Jan 2005, we knew something was wrong. Dale went to see his primary care doctor and insisted on a PSa test. It came back at 58.5. A biopsy confirmed our deepest fears, prostate cancer. A bone scan lit up and showed tumors in ribs, hips, pelvic bone, dime size in skull, large in left arm.
The next year is a blur. Doctors, tests, chemotherapy, radiation, tears.... in Jan 2006 Dale was done. He didn't want to do any more treatment. We hired hospice and began the journey towards his flight from this earth. On March 9, 2006 at midnight he took that flight and left us. (I might blog what that was like another time.)
Every year once I remember why I am weepy I think, "next year I will anticipate this." Nope. 10 years and it still sneaks up on me. And it has not gotten any easier.
Grief is a journey. We never know what will trigger sadness over our loss. We cannot escape it, we have to walk through it. Remember to be kind to yourself.
RSS Feed